THE USHERS
The ushers serve a largely ceremonial function. They are usually close
friends or relatives of the
Groom or Bride. Although being in a wedding party is a lot of fun, there
are important
responsibilities for ushers.
Often the Groom's attendants (with the
exception of the
best man) double as the ushers. If there is a large guest list, it is a
better idea to have at least two full time ushers. In addition to
seating guests. they can look after late arrivals and assist with the
Bride's train before she
proceeds up the aisle.
Before the wedding day, the ushers need to be available to help the
Groom and best man with
any details that they can. They especially must be available for formal
wear fittings.
Ushers attend necessary social functions such as the bachelor party, the
rehearsal, and the rehearsal party.
Some of the social occasions involve gift giving. It is wise for the
Groom to remember that he
has selected these men to be in the wedding party because he wants their
support and wants
them to share his special day. It should not be a financial hardship for
someone to participate.
The Groom needs to make it clear to members of the wedding party that a
gift is not expected
at each of the social events.
As might be expected. the ushers primary responsibilities center around
the wedding day itself.
It is the obligation of the ushers to attend the wedding rehearsal and
to pay attention to the
details of the upcoming ceremony as well as the specifics of their
responsibilities.
On the day of the ceremony. the ushers need to be at the ceremony site
approximately one
hour before the time of the ceremony. If any guests are to be seated in
reserved seats, the
ushers MUST know where those reserved seats are and who is to be sitting
where. Make sure
the ushers boutonnieres are at the ceremony site and that the ushers are
wearing them
correctly on their left lapel.
The ushers welcome guests to the ceremony as they arrive and escort
female
guests, by offering their right arm, to their seats. Guests of the Bride
are normally seated on the
left side (facing forward) and guests of the Groom on the right. If
someone happens to be a
close friend (or relative) of both sides. they are usually seated on the
side with the fewer number
of guests. At some weddings the number of guests for either Bride or
Groom is markedly different
than the other. In this case. the Bride and Groom may prefer to have
guests seated randomly
on either side.
The last guests to be seated before the ceremony begins are the mother
of the Groom then the
mother of the Bride. The seating of the mothers is actually part of the
processional and.
therefore. NO GUESTS ARE TO BE SEATED UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING PARTY HAS
COMPLETED ITS PROCESSIONAL. Tardy guests are to be kept waiting at the
back of the church until after the
completion of the processional and then are directed to pews at the
back of the church.
At some weddings. the ushers may escort the mothers of the Bride and
Groom out of the church
following the ceremony. The ushers may also control the flow of guests
exiting the church by
moving from pew to pew. This is especially helpful if the wedding guest
list is large and would
crowd the aisle if all guests tried to exit at once.
THE BEST MAN
The best man has the most duties to perform on the day of the wedding.
Prior to the wedding he will have been busy with formal wear fittings,
helping the Groom and coordinating the rest of the groomsmen and
ushers. He will likely have planned the bachelor party or at least been
involved in its planning and successful execution.
The Best Man is most often your brother or
best
friend. Likewise, it can be another close relative or friend, the
Groom's father - or - In the case of a second marriage. his son. Due to
the responsibilities of this position. It is important for the Groom to
select someone dependable.
The best man's duties include:
BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY:
- Organizes or helps organize the stag party
- Attends any pre-nuptial parties in the couple's honor
- Helps select formal wear
- Attends formal wear fittings
- Pays for own wedding attire
- Confirms honeymoon reservations and ensures that Groom has tickets.
traveler's cheques, etc.
- Confirms in town hotel reservation for the wedding night. registers
the couple, and makes sure the groom gets the keys
- Runs errands as necessary
- Coordinates reservations, keys and travel arrangements for the out
of town guests
- Attends rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
ON THE WEDDING DAY:
- Gets up early and has a good breakfast
- Is on time for any appointments such as manicure or shoe shine
- Is on time for getting dressed (at the Groom's home or elsewhere)
- Arrives early to help the Groom dress and finish packing
- Gets payment envelopes from Groom for clergy member (a check is
made out in the clergy member's name, not the church), organist. etc.
- Holds the marriage license
- Gets Bride's ring and keeps in a secure place, or if there is a ring
bearer, attaches the rings securely to the pillow
- Provides early - on time transportation for the Groom to the
ceremony site
- Keeps the Groom calm in the minutes just preceding the ceremony
- Coordinates the ushers
- Signs marriage documents as an official witness
- Delivers all payment envelopes to correct recipients
- Helps Bride and Groom into the car leaving the ceremony
- Ensures the wedding party and principal family members are in
correct cars leaving the church and that ALL drivers know exactly where
they are going
- Possibly drives Bride and Groom to the photography site or reception
- Participates in photography sessions
- Sees that Bride's and Groom's luggage is in get-away car
- Ensures that Groom has all the tickets. passports, travelers check,
itinerary, baggage checks, etc. that he will need for the honeymoon
- Makes sure get-away can is in a convenient location and has a
working engine (it's fun to decorate their car with balloons and
confetti - but not to spend time under the hood re-arranging wires)
- Participates in the receiving line
- Offers the first toast at the reception
- Dances with Bride, maid of honor, bridesmaids, mothers of the Bride
and Groom and other guests
- Helps Groom change into going away clothes
- Facilitates Bride and Groom getting away from the reception
AFTER THE WEDDING:
- Returns Groom's and personal formal wear if rented or takes to
cleaners and picks up when ready
CHILD ATTENDANTS
A variety of reasons lead us to select children for our wedding party.
We treasure the charm
they lend to the occasion. Siblings or close friends of the Bride or
Groom with children are
honored to have their children picked as wedding attendants.
At what ages should children be part of a wedding ceremony? Younger
children are very cute,
but their behavior is often unpredictable. They may develop "stage
fright" or begin to cry at
an awkward moment. Use your judgment. Older children who are able to
understand a
bit more usually work out better. Children get bored during long
ceremonies, receiving lines, photography sessions, delayed lunches, etc.
It is better to
schedule their hours around their tolerance level, even if it means they
will not be available for
the whole day.
It Is very important to have all child attendants at the rehearsal. It
will help them understand the
"flow" of the ceremony and your expectations of them. It will also give
you an idea if their
assigned task may be too much for them. It Is better to find out now
rather than in the
middle of the ceremony itself.
Flower girls certainly add a touch of charm to any wedding. They are
normally between the
ages of 4 and 8. Check with your clergy member about whether the flower
girl will be permitted
to strew your path with rose petals. Many churches now have restrictions
because of the clean
up problem later and she may be required to keep all her flowers in her
basket. Make sure your
florist knows. The flower girl's attire is usually a white or pastel
dress that coordinates with the
costumes of the Bride and other bridal party members. Flower girls are
normally sisters of the
Bride or Groom. younger cousins. nieces. perhaps a neighbor or someone
you looked after
as a baby-sitter. The flower girl might also be the daughter of the
Bride or Groom in the case of
a second marriage. It is not necessary to have a flower girl and
occasionally a wedding has two.
The ring bearer is usually a little boy between the ages of about 4 and
8. The ring bearer carries
the rings in the processional. The rings are normally attached to a
satin or lace pillow and are
tied on with a ribbon secured to the pillow. Be sure the ring bearer
understands exactly what
will be happening. We have seen occasions where the ring bearer objected
to having HIS rings
removed during the ceremony!
The train bearer is also usually a little boy aged 4 to 8. It is also
acceptable to have a pair of
train bearers. if there are two have them approximately the same size as
they will be walking
side by side. The train bearer follows the Bride during the processional
(and sometimes
recessional) and carries her gown's train. The train bearers are also
sometimes called Pages.
What other tasks may be assumed by special children in your lives? A
child may say a prayer
or do a reading during the ceremony. A musically talented child who is
accustomed to public
performances may be asked to play or sing. A child may be put in charge
of the guest book
at the reception. Teenage young men can certainly fill the role
of seating ushers at the ceremony. Young boys might distribute mass
books or Yarmulkes or give
out packets of rice. Children of either sex might be candle lighters for
the
ceremony. As you can see. there area number of tasks that children of
various ages may be
involved with for your wedding.
Cher!Hope this series was informative!
Here is a Chart that shows you Popular Wedding Seasons, what does this mean to you? Either avoid booking those times to save money or make sure you book all your vendors early. Because all the great vendors will be booked sometimes up to a year or more in advance! You don't want to be "stuck" with who is left! There is usually a good reason why a vendor is not booked 2 weeks before your wedding!
