THE USHERS
Often the Groom's attendants (with the exception of the best man) double as the ushers. If there is a large guest list, it is a better idea to have at least two full time ushers. In addition to seating guests. they can look after late arrivals and assist with the Bride's train before she proceeds up the aisle.
Before the wedding day, the ushers need to be available to help the Groom and best man with any details that they can. They especially must be available for formal wear fittings. Ushers attend necessary social functions such as the bachelor party, the rehearsal, and the rehearsal party.
Some of the social occasions involve gift giving. It is wise for the Groom to remember that he has selected these men to be in the wedding party because he wants their support and wants them to share his special day. It should not be a financial hardship for someone to participate. The Groom needs to make it clear to members of the wedding party that a gift is not expected at each of the social events.
As might be expected. the ushers primary responsibilities center around the wedding day itself. It is the obligation of the ushers to attend the wedding rehearsal and to pay attention to the details of the upcoming ceremony as well as the specifics of their responsibilities.
On the day of the ceremony. the ushers need to be at the ceremony site approximately one hour before the time of the ceremony. If any guests are to be seated in reserved seats, the ushers MUST know where those reserved seats are and who is to be sitting where. Make sure the ushers boutonnieres are at the ceremony site and that the ushers are wearing them correctly on their left lapel.
The ushers welcome guests to the ceremony as they arrive and escort female guests, by offering their right arm, to their seats. Guests of the Bride are normally seated on the left side (facing forward) and guests of the Groom on the right. If someone happens to be a close friend (or relative) of both sides. they are usually seated on the side with the fewer number of guests. At some weddings the number of guests for either Bride or Groom is markedly different than the other. In this case. the Bride and Groom may prefer to have guests seated randomly on either side.
The last guests to be seated before the ceremony begins are the mother of the Groom then the mother of the Bride. The seating of the mothers is actually part of the processional and. therefore. NO GUESTS ARE TO BE SEATED UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING PARTY HAS COMPLETED ITS PROCESSIONAL. Tardy guests are to be kept waiting at the back of the church until after the completion of the processional and then are directed to pews at the back of the church.
At some weddings. the ushers may escort the mothers of the Bride and Groom out of the church following the ceremony. The ushers may also control the flow of guests exiting the church by moving from pew to pew. This is especially helpful if the wedding guest list is large and would crowd the aisle if all guests tried to exit at once.
THE BEST MAN
The Best Man is most often your brother or best friend. Likewise, it can be another close relative or friend, the Groom's father - or - In the case of a second marriage. his son. Due to the responsibilities of this position. It is important for the Groom to select someone dependable.
The best man's duties include:
BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY:
- Organizes or helps organize the stag party
- Attends any pre-nuptial parties in the couple's honor
- Helps select formal wear
- Attends formal wear fittings
- Pays for own wedding attire
- Confirms honeymoon reservations and ensures that Groom has tickets. traveler's cheques, etc.
- Confirms in town hotel reservation for the wedding night. registers the couple, and makes sure the groom gets the keys
- Runs errands as necessary
- Coordinates reservations, keys and travel arrangements for the out of town guests
- Attends rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
ON THE WEDDING DAY:
- Gets up early and has a good breakfast
- Is on time for any appointments such as manicure or shoe shine
- Is on time for getting dressed (at the Groom's home or elsewhere)
- Arrives early to help the Groom dress and finish packing
- Gets payment envelopes from Groom for clergy member (a check is made out in the clergy member's name, not the church), organist. etc.
- Holds the marriage license
- Gets Bride's ring and keeps in a secure place, or if there is a ring bearer, attaches the rings securely to the pillow
- Provides early - on time transportation for the Groom to the ceremony site
- Keeps the Groom calm in the minutes just preceding the ceremony
- Coordinates the ushers
- Signs marriage documents as an official witness
- Delivers all payment envelopes to correct recipients
- Helps Bride and Groom into the car leaving the ceremony
- Ensures the wedding party and principal family members are in correct cars leaving the church and that ALL drivers know exactly where they are going
- Possibly drives Bride and Groom to the photography site or reception
- Participates in photography sessions
- Sees that Bride's and Groom's luggage is in get-away car
- Ensures that Groom has all the tickets. passports, travelers check, itinerary, baggage checks, etc. that he will need for the honeymoon
- Makes sure get-away can is in a convenient location and has a working engine (it's fun to decorate their car with balloons and confetti - but not to spend time under the hood re-arranging wires)
- Participates in the receiving line
- Offers the first toast at the reception
- Dances with Bride, maid of honor, bridesmaids, mothers of the Bride and Groom and other guests
- Helps Groom change into going away clothes
- Facilitates Bride and Groom getting away from the reception
AFTER THE WEDDING:
- Returns Groom's and personal formal wear if rented or takes to cleaners and picks up when ready
CHILD ATTENDANTS
At what ages should children be part of a wedding ceremony? Younger children are very cute, but their behavior is often unpredictable. They may develop "stage fright" or begin to cry at an awkward moment. Use your judgment. Older children who are able to understand a bit more usually work out better. Children get bored during long ceremonies, receiving lines, photography sessions, delayed lunches, etc. It is better to schedule their hours around their tolerance level, even if it means they will not be available for the whole day.
It Is very important to have all child attendants at the rehearsal. It will help them understand the "flow" of the ceremony and your expectations of them. It will also give you an idea if their assigned task may be too much for them. It Is better to find out now rather than in the middle of the ceremony itself.
Flower girls certainly add a touch of charm to any wedding. They are normally between the ages of 4 and 8. Check with your clergy member about whether the flower girl will be permitted to strew your path with rose petals. Many churches now have restrictions because of the clean up problem later and she may be required to keep all her flowers in her basket. Make sure your florist knows. The flower girl's attire is usually a white or pastel dress that coordinates with the costumes of the Bride and other bridal party members. Flower girls are normally sisters of the Bride or Groom. younger cousins. nieces. perhaps a neighbor or someone you looked after as a baby-sitter. The flower girl might also be the daughter of the Bride or Groom in the case of a second marriage. It is not necessary to have a flower girl and occasionally a wedding has two.
The ring bearer is usually a little boy between the ages of about 4 and 8. The ring bearer carries the rings in the processional. The rings are normally attached to a satin or lace pillow and are tied on with a ribbon secured to the pillow. Be sure the ring bearer understands exactly what will be happening. We have seen occasions where the ring bearer objected to having HIS rings removed during the ceremony!
The train bearer is also usually a little boy aged 4 to 8. It is also acceptable to have a pair of train bearers. if there are two have them approximately the same size as they will be walking side by side. The train bearer follows the Bride during the processional (and sometimes recessional) and carries her gown's train. The train bearers are also sometimes called Pages.
What other tasks may be assumed by special children in your lives? A child may say a prayer or do a reading during the ceremony. A musically talented child who is accustomed to public performances may be asked to play or sing. A child may be put in charge of the guest book at the reception. Teenage young men can certainly fill the role of seating ushers at the ceremony. Young boys might distribute mass books or Yarmulkes or give out packets of rice. Children of either sex might be candle lighters for the ceremony. As you can see. there area number of tasks that children of various ages may be involved with for your wedding.
Cher!
Hope this series was informative!
