THE BRIDE'S PARENTS
As the parents of the Bride, you are probably faced with a multitude of
emotions as your daughter shares her engagement status with you. Her
engagement indicates she is about to undertake a rite of passage. You
are thrilled to hear of her happy new status
. You are a bit nostalgic to realize that your little girl has grown
up. Being involved in the planning for a wedding, of any size, is a
major undertaking. You are perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed about the
amount of work and ensuring the success of the party. It is important
to begin discussions immediately with your daughter regarding the size
of the wedding, who will pay for what, and other details. This will
include discussions with your future son-in-law and his family as well.
As parents, seeing your daughters wedding from a more mature
perspective, you may be tempted to make lots of decisions about the
wedding for her. It may be hard to allow her to do the planning. It is
only natural that you will want to have input into the process,
especially if you will be paying part or all of the expenses.
Negotiation is critical. A willingness to trust her good judgment about
what will be right for her and her new husband will strengthen the
bonds between you.
Although traditionally the Brides parents have been responsible for
organizing and financing the entire wedding, that situation is rarely
true any longer. Today the Groom's parents normally participate in the
planning and organizing and share part of the costs. The Bride and
Groom contribute from their own money as well. It will be up to you and
the other principals to decide how responsibilities and costs will be
shared in your particular circumstances. In the event that you are
separated or divorced, your daughter's wedding puts additional stress
on you. Her upcoming marriage will perhaps remind you of your own
marital difficulties. Your relationship with your former husband (or
wife) may be strained an
d the necessary prenuptial planning as well as the wedding day itself
may be tense. During the difficult times, remember that you are both
her PARENTS although you are no longer together. She cares for and
needs both of you during this time of transition for her. As well,
there may be new parents on the scene - a step-mother and/or
step-father. The roles of these people at the wedding vary
considerably, depending on the longevity of those relationships, who
the Bride lived with during her growing up years, the level of comfort
all the principals have with each other, etc.
Sensitivity regarding feelings on everyone's part and a willingness to
facilitate the smooth flow of the wedding of the new couple will pay
dividends long after the wedding day.
Communicating clearly and directly with all concerned is vital.
That way, no one will be in for an unpleasant surprise on the wedding
day itself. Also, if one of you or the step-parents is uncomfortable
with some of the arrangements, there will be time to discuss it and
compromise where possible.
THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE
As the mother of the Bride, you normally select your outfit once the
color scheme has been chosen and the Groom's mother selects her outfit
to be a different but coordinating color. Traditionally, you are the
last to be seated before the ceremony (in the front left pew) and the
first to rise as your daughter and her husband start down the aisle.
You are also the first to be ushered out after the ceremony. You are
normally the first person in the receiving line. you may wish to arrange
a few minutes
alone with your daughter, perhaps near the end of the reception when
she is changing into her going away outfit or near the time of the last
dance. This will be an opportunity to share good wishes and special
feelings before she and her husband head out into
their new life together.
THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE
You are normally expected to make a toast to the Bride or to the couple
at the engagement and/or rehearsal parties. It is your role to escort
your daughter to the church and to walk her down the aisle. After
escorting your daughter down the aisle. you will sit next to your wife
in the first pew. Should you be separated or
divorced from the mother of the Bride. you would normally sit in the
third pew. You are the official host at the reception and are expected
to mingle with the guests. If the clergy member is not available to say
grace for the reception meal, you may elect
to do this. You may wish to make a speech or toast at the reception.
Traditionally you are the last to leave the reception after bidding the
other guests good bye.
Cher!PS
Keep an Eye out For Next Week Part 3
